Are you one of those guilty people who reads while you have a few minutes to spare in the bathroom? You're not the only one, and don't feel bad about it... Robert Philpot of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram will give you 20 reasons to keep doing what you're doing "in the loo." Take a look at this humorous and interesting article online here: http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/arizonaliving/articles/0108bathroombook0108.html

The writers' strike is still going on and seriously affecting your favorite television shows. Freewrite your way to a show that you would like to watch. Do you like character- or plot-driven episodes, or maybe a little of both? What genre would your show be? Would your show be a miniseries or one of those made-for-TV movies? Regardless of whether you're a fan of television, this exercise is designed to encourage the writing of your next short story to submit.

Toward or Towards?

Simply put, Merriam-Webster's Online Dictionary states that "toward" and "towards" are both correct and interchangeable, although it lists "towards" as a variant spelling. Mostly likely, this is because "towards" is more often seen in British English spelling. In the United States we gravitate toward spelling shortcuts and usually lop off the "s" on words like towards, backwards, and forwards.

Note: In British English, when backward is used as an adjective, it is normally spelled without the s-ending, as in "Please excuse our cousin's backward manners. He doesn't get out much."

Regarding Anyways...

Most people agree that this is a word better spelled without the "s." It's a word that has its place in character dialogue—picture a gum-chewing teenage girl or perhaps a garage mechanic—but it's probably best to leave anyways out of all other prose. It makes a good number of readers cringe.

Personal Pronouns: We and Us

We is a personal pronoun in the subjective (subject) case.

The kids and I made a cake.
We made a cake.

Us is a personal pronoun in the objective (object) case.

The kids baked a cake for Sam and me.
The kids baked a cake for us.

Tricky Words du Jour:

Auger vs Augur
Auger (n) is a tool used for boring holes.
Augur (n) is someone who foretells the future or (v) to foretell, especially from omens.

Grizzly vs Grisly
Grizzly (n) is a bear, while grisly (adj) means gruesome.

Past vs Passed
Past means (adj) ago, (n) time gone by, or (adv) beyond.
Passed is the past tense of the verb "to pass."

As with so many aspects of the writing world, formatting issues are a gray area, and writers struggle with the burning question: One space or two after closing punctuation?

When in doubt, creative writers often turn to the Chicago Manual of Style, whose official view is that there is no good reason to use two spaces after a period for work that is to be published. (Obviously, this rule does not apply to personal correspondence, notes, etc.)

In the days of typewriters, extra space was necessary to create a more defined space between sentences for the reader's eye. Typewriter fonts are monospaced, which means that all the letters take up the same amount of space, and most of us were taught in typing class to add that extra keystroke at the end of a sentence. But computerized fonts are proportionally spaced, and a single space is sufficient to provide a visible break. The exceptions are the fonts Courier and Monaco, which are monospaced, but it's probably best to switch to a font such as Times New Roman or Arial rather than using the double space.

So save yourself a keystroke; there's something to be said for efficiency.

As you can see, Buddy is hard at work in our library. He is a Border Collie mix, about nine years old. He was rescued by our staff member Hermine, who found him on adoption day at PetSmart. She was told that he was vicious, which, as you can tell, must be true. But Hermine, being a dog lover and skeptical of the story, put her fingers into the cage, Buddy leaned on her hand, and the rest is history. That was Christmas, eight years ago. When things get stressful here at Writer’s Relief, Buddy is the calm in the eye of the storm. The delivery people love him, and so do we. Buddy loves everyone! (He also loves to swim and chase squirrels.)

If you’d like to leave a message for Buddy, you can access Hermine’s voice mail and leave a "Woof" for Buddy. We’ll try to coax him to call you back!

Have you ever wanted to change those signs with the incorrect punctuation? Kate McCulley, the grammar vandal, is doing just that! She’s taken action in Boston and has moved her locale to the Internet as well: http://www.thegrammarvandal.com. She’s received press from The Boston Globe and NPR (links below).

http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2007/07/15/stop_sign_travesties/

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=12173654

We’ve been told not to split infinitives (or to not split them!) ever since grade school, and the reason goes way back. In Latin the infinitive form of a verb is one word, and as 19th-century grammarians were big Latin fans, they decided that the rules of English should conform to those of Latin. Hence, splitting an infinitive would be akin to splitting a word in half. But in modern times, when we are not translating Latin, splitting an infinitive is not necessarily bad grammar.

For example:

Before it careened out of sight, the car managed to just make the corner.

In this sentence the infinitive is "to make," and inserting "just" between the infinitive puts the emphasis on the fact that it was a near thing.

Another example:

Our goal is to further cement relations between the two countries. Here the infinitive is split to emphasize "further."

The more "correct" form changes the meaning of the sentence: Our goal is to cement further relations between the two countries.

Or: Our goal is further to cement relations between the two countries. In this case, not splitting the infinitive leads to awkward phrasing and a clumsier sentence.

Another example is the famous Star Trek title sequence: To boldly go where no man has gone before!

Again, this phrase loses strength when the infinitive is not split. To go boldly where no man has gone before just doesn’t pack the same punch.

Most writers strive to keep their infinitives cozily joined together out of fear of looking ignorant of basic grammar. And it’s true that, most of the time, the infinitive functions best as a whole unit. However, the writer should always err on the side of comprehension and flow rather than the conventions of 19th-century Latin afficionados. George Bernard Shaw said it best when he wrote to The London Times:

"There is a busybody on your staff who devotes a lot of time to chasing split infinitives: I call for the immediate dismissal of this pedant. It is of no consequence whether he decides to go quickly or to quickly go or quickly to go. The important thing is that he should go at once."

It can be hard to develop a believable character for your story. Most of us don’t have close relationships with dashing heroes or beautiful yet gutsy medical examiners named Desiree. This makes it tempting to take inspiration from people we actually know, and often the resulting characters are thinly disguised versions of ourselves or our friends and relatives. Your wacky Aunt Mabel may be familiar to you and a hoot at holiday get-togethers, but as anything more than a minor comic relief character, Aunt Mabel is going to be an unlikely heroine. It might be better to enlist the scary guy who lives down the street and develop a villain (or an unlikely hero) based on him. Sure, all you know about him is that he rides a loud motorcycle, and his biceps are frighteningly large and tattooed, but boring he’s not!

Successful writers usually develop a detailed character sketch and biography in advance, noting physical, as well as personality, traits. The greater the detail of the sketch, the greater dimension the character develops.

Think about your biker neighbor. You don’t know him, but you can assume that he probably isn’t the son of two college professors, he probably doesn’t attend the opera on a regular basis, and he isn’t likely to be meek and shy. It’s more realistic to assume he’s the son of working-class parents, prefers football to the opera, and he’s pretty brave and tough. And if we’re working on avoiding stereotypes (which is usually our goal), this character could surprise us and become our unlikely hero, despite the prison tats.

The personality needs to fit the fiction. If you’re looking for a hero to save the world from destruction, you can choose the dashing and dapper John Q. College Graduate with broad shoulders and a deep, calm voice, or the scruffy biker dude, who saves the day despite his looks. If you want Aunt Mabel to be the heroine of your novel, you better develop some interesting traits that would support her superhero ways—perhaps she’s not as frail and wobbly as she looks! Just don’t leave Aunt Mabel exactly the way she is in real life, or her character may fail to deliver.

The point is to get to know your characters and make them three-dimensional. Be familiar enough to be able to predict what each character would do if he or she were faced with a certain choice or put into a certain situation. Every person has a darker side or a secret. Give the warmhearted schoolteacher a secret vice, a bit of a temper, or a scandalous past. When you’re sketching your character, include a basic history, his/her dreams and ambitions, obstacles and hurdles, social status, and sexual and economic power. Also include physical characteristics, so that you can make sure Desiree stays a redhead throughout her adventures and Biker Dude’s tattoos stay on the correct shoulder.

The short story presents a different problem. There simply isn’t time or space to let the reader get to know your main character, so you have to present them with as much information as they need to know as succinctly and subtly as possible (show, don’t tell!). If it’s not relevant to the plot, we don’t need to know that the warmhearted schoolteacher is allergic to shellfish or has a degree in Russian literature. We might, however, need to know that she’s a closet smoker, addicted to chocolate truffles, and harbors a long-standing grudge with her sister. For the short story writer, it’s essential to have a fully developed character in mind; but rather than giving us a bulleted list of traits, let your character’s actions demonstrate who she is. Hold back a secret or two about your schoolteacher and surprise the reader.

As writers, we are asking our readers to visualize our characters and relate to them. We want our characters to be realistic so that our audience can connect to them—we want the reader to cheer them on as they surmount obstacles and shed a tear when they fall. Readers care about people, and a fantastic plot populated with bland or one-dimensional characters isn’t enough to hold their interest. Your audience should feel involved with your characters, so that they become vivid and real people. And this isn't easy. If you can get your readers to fall in love with and cheer for the scary biker dude, you can consider him a successful character.

The Shorter Oxford English Dictionary, a compact, two-volume version of the 20-volume set, was recently released, and it has caused a small stir among those who care about such things: the SOED editors have done away with the hyphen in approximately 16,000 words, throwing a wrench into the works of hyphen-addicted old-schoolers. Shortly afterward, The New York Times printed an article about it, along with a graphic of a gravestone inscribed with: Here Lies The Nearly-Departed, Seldom-Understood, Soon-To-Be-Forgotten Hyphen. It was a fitting epitaph. http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/07/weekinreview/07mcgrath.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

The hyphen has long been a misunderstood creature, and there are no hard and fast rules about its usage. In general, it is used to provide breaks in lines, and in the spelling of certain words, such as father-in-law or anti-American. Hyphens are also used as "suspension hyphens" to indicate a stand-in word (four-, five-, and six-gallon containers) and to link compound adjectives that precede a noun (We gave the six-foot man a wide berth). Hyphens can also be used to avoid confusion as in 30-odd people. Without the hyphen, we might be looking at 30 strange people wandering around rather than approximately 30 folks. We have also traditionally used hyphens to set off prefixes such as "self" and "ex," and when two vowels need separation as in "pre-eminent," although, today you'll find "preeminent" in most standard dictionaries.

If you're a little uncertain about the use of hyphens, don't despair—you're not alone. The English language is terribly unregulated, and your hyphen decisions should be based on common sense and consistency. If in doubt, look it up. At Writer's Relief we use Merriam-Webster's dictionary as the final authority, and the no-hyphen trend has been spotted there as well.

The SOED has provided us with thousands of newly de-hyphenated words that, according to editor Angus Stevenson, are "only reflecting widespread everyday use." So, now we have bumblebee, airstream, leapfrog, and ice cream (instead of ice-cream). The editors at SOED have been tracking trends for many years and report that the hyphen seems to be falling by the wayside. It is not, however, in any danger of disappearing for good. Otherwise we may get confused and go searching for a good looking date—you know, a date who is good at looking—or a fine tooth comb with which to comb our teeth.

Writers know that constructive criticism is an essential part of becoming a better writer. We've come to terms with the role rejection plays in the submission process. And we bravely pass around our latest efforts at our monthly writers group, knowing that we're opening ourselves up to a possible unfavorable comment or two...at best. We're proud of ourselves for accepting this external literary critique as an unavoidable part of the industry.

But how do you deal with the negative comments and thoughts that come from within? How to silence that internal scallywag with the grating voice who likes to whisper in our ear and sabotage our confidence? "Who in the world are you trying to fool with this 'I'm a writer' act? You've got to be kidding!"

Don't let your inner critic derail your writing career. First, determine whether this internal voice is stemming from truth or from fear.

A general "Your writing is terrible" may stem from fear—the fear of failure, rejection, embarrassment. Perhaps, deep down, you fear you've made a bad career choice. Or you're worried that you've been fooling yourself about your talent. It's only natural to hear this negative voice in your head from time to time, telling you that you're risking your family's financial security or that no one will ever respect your work. This voice creates self-doubt, which doesn't help much when you're trying to be productive.

There are other insidious voices that do a writer no good. One is Ms. Procrastination, who likes to suggest, in silky tones, that you'll have plenty of time tomorrow to work on a new story. Her cousin, Ms. Compassion, softly whispers, "You must be so tired. Why don't you take a little nap and try this writing thing again tomorrow?" And then there's Mr. Guilt. "Don't you think your house/kids/dogs/garden could use a little of your attention right now? And you selfishly want to write?" You can ignore these voices or argue with them, replacing their negative messages with words of encouragement, but you mustn't let them distract you from your goals.

On the other hand, if the voice is saying, "Your character is not believable," maybe it's time to take a good look at the character in question. After all, your inner critic actually represents your own instincts as a writer, and we all need to pay attention to what we instinctively recognize as good writing versus bad. It's best if you can squash the voice of reason until you've been allowed to muddle through a first draft—never let the inner critic stop the creative flow—and when it's time for revision, you can then pay attention to your instincts and see what words of wisdom emerge.

You'll always have an internal dialogue in your head—we all do—but it's important to learn what messages to take seriously and what messages are self-defeating. Listen carefully and determine what's true, what's destructive, and what's just plain silly. Befriend that critic, learn from it, and keep writing.

As written by Joshua Rothkopf, from Time Out New York Issue 624: September 13–19, 2007, he reviews the documentary Helvetica:

Finally: a documentary about a font. Tens of people exhale sighs of relief. But unexpectedly, Gary Hustwit's film builds an impressive sense of drama around the rise of the Swiss-designed typeface, a bracingly modern style that felt like "a cold glass of ice water" (according to one interviewee) after so much schlocky script in the 1940s and '50s. These days Helvetica is everywhere, from the Target logo to the lettering on our tax forms and space shuttles. Hustwit's talking heads, an endearingly geeky bunch, weigh in on the pros and cons of such ubiquity. Cage match! Not that kind of film.

The following guidelines can help you determine when to use capital letters (and when not to).

Capitalize the first word of a sentence, including the first word of a quoted sentence.

It wasn't easy to ignore him when he yelled, "Get a life, you weasel!"

Capitalize proper nouns.

Lake Michigan, State Street, Williams Welding Company, Jupiter, Pacific Ocean

Capitalize titles that precede the name. Do not capitalize if the title is a description that follows the person's name.

The best course was taught by Professor Leo Smith.

Leo Smith, one of the college's professors, edited the literary magazine.

Capitalize titles when used in address.

The stand is yours, Officer Higgins.

Is it possible, Doctor, that you made a mistake?

Capitalize family relationships only when used as proper names.

I went to visit Uncle Frank, but my other uncles couldn't go with me. I was able to convince Father to come with me, but my mother didn't feel well.

Do not capitalize directions unless they are part of a proper name or refer to a specific region.

Each week I travel a few miles south to West Yorkshire.

They're packing up and heading for the Southwest.

Capitalize the names of God, religious figures, and holy books. Do not capitalize the nonspecific use of the word "god."

She covered her all her bases and sent up prayers to God, Buddha, and the Virgin Mary.

In some cultures, the worship of many gods is more common than monotheism.

Capitalize the days of the week, months, and holidays. Do not capitalize the seasons unless the season has been personified—and even then it's optional and sometimes considered old-fashioned.

We celebrate Thanksgiving in November, just as fall begins its transition into winter.

Suddenly, the icy breath of Winter chilled our skin.

Capitalize periods and events. Do not capitalize century numbers.

Great Depression

twentieth century

Capitalize political, social, military, and athletic groups.

Seattle Mariners

Republicans

Native Americans

Mothers Against Drunk Driving

Army, Air Force, Marines, Navy

And one final tip. In creative writing, it's tempting to capitalize words that are important to your sentence, such as "love" or "justice." This is generally frowned upon.

Whether you’re submitting your work via postal mail or e-mail/online, it is important to have your computer files organized and properly named, so you can immediately identify what piece to submit and what you have previously sent.

Making Folders

Create a new folder in "My Documents." Name this folder "Creative Work." This folder can hold whatever genres you write, but you want to distinguish it from any academic work that you might write and from other non-creative writing folders.

Within the "Creative Work" folder, make at least three subfolders: Accepted, Drafts, Poetry (Short Stories, Essays, etc.; you want to make a separate folder for each genre that you write).

The Accepted folder will contain work accepted for publication. It’s imperative to keep all of your work, but you also don’t want to make a mistake and resubmit any previously accepted pieces. The Drafts folder can be the holding place for works in progress, brainstorm ideas, work that is in a state of being proofread, and earlier versions of a finished piece (in the event that you’re the type of writer who likes to save every draft). The genre folders will hold completed versions of your work.

Naming Your Files

Imagine that you’ve written a piece called "The Red Stone." You can drop the beginning articles and spaces when you’re naming a file, but we recommend saving the file with the name of your piece. Let’s say you’ve submitted the named file "RedStone" to 25 markets. As some responses come back, you decide that you want to revise "The Red Stone" for the next time you submit. Make a copy of the original "RedStone" file. Rename this file "RedStoneOLD." Back at your list of documents, you will now rename "RedStone" to "RedStoneNEW." It is in this NEW file you will make revisions. You want to maintain the same name formatting so that the two pieces sort together.

It may happen an editor wants to publish "RedStoneNEW," but he or she wants you to retitle it to "The Brick-Red Stone." You, being the compliant writer, agree. In your files, you need to copy the file "RedStoneNEW" and paste the file in your folder. On a PC, the file should read "Copy of RedStoneNEW." On a Mac, the file should read "RedStoneNEW copy." Rename this file to "Brick-RedStoneWASRedStone." Next, rename the original "RedStoneNEW" file to "RedStoneNOWBrick-RedStone." By doing this, you’re able to see that "Brick-Red Stone" is the latest version, but you’re also able to maintain its previous versions. Since X Journal has accepted "The Brick-Red Stone," you now can move all of these versions into your Accepted folder.

On a PC, sort your files by the "List" view. Select a file to see the details of the file, which at the bottom of the screen. It will show the last date modified; that is, to say the last time you worked in that file. This is another way to be sure you are choosing the most current version to work with. On a Mac, choose the "list" view as well and highlight a file to see the last date modified and other information that opens to the right of the document.

This process of naming and saving files this way works well for prose and book writers who make postal and electronic submissions. However, if you’re a poet, there is more to the process.

Poets should keep each individual poem saved in its own file. It is easier to move poems individually and keep track of newest versions this way.

Organizing Poetry Submissions

E-mail/online submissions are a bit trickier for poets. Some outlets want the poems sent in one document as a DOC or RTF file. Other outlets want the poems sent individually via attachment. Then there are still others who simply prefer that your poems be pasted into the body of the e-mail with no formatting embedded. On a PC, the icons for a DOC and RTF file look the same. We recommend putting "rtf" at the end of the poem file names for RTF files so that you can easily identify RTF from DOC. On a Mac, you’re able to see the difference between these two files, so this isn’t applicable. Nevertheless, when you’re submitting via e-mail/online, always follow the guidelines of each individual journal.

It’s important to know that when you are making poetry submissions, literary journals and magazines only accept groups of poetry consisting of 3-6 titles. We suggest that you create subfolders with a group number to correspond with a specific group of poems. Once you’re happy with the way a particular group of poems reads together, keep these poems submitted and organized together in that group until you’re ready to totally revise and retitle (or retire; that is, to never submit it again) a particular poem in the group.

If you’re making poetry e-mail/online submissions and the journal requests that the poems be sent in one file, paste all the poems into one document, then save the file with the appropriate group name. You should also maintain a separate document called "Groups" that lists each set of poems by group.

We highly recommend this strategy since it will save you time and energy when it comes to tracking your submissions. If you mix and match poems with different groups, you’re more inclined to submit a poem to a journal that might have already seen it.

Back Up Your Files

A final note: It is crucial that you always save your work and create backups for your work. You can save your work onto floppy disks, zip disks, CDs, external backup drives, or flash drives. We personally recommend zip disks or flash drives because your work is less likely to get corrupted on these devices. Also, flash drives can be carried in your pocket when you travel or have a few minutes to work on someone else’s computer (with permission, of course.) In addition, there are also various Web storage sites that can hold your work for you for minimal prices a year.

At Writer’s Relief, our full-service clients benefit from having us be a hub for all their electronic files. We also track your submissions and responses, and we’re here to provide you submission strategy and acceptance advice. Our full-service clients have access to their own personal online database (for submission tracking purposes) 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please call our offices toll free at (866) 405-3003 between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 2:30 p.m. Eastern Time to discuss the best plan for you.

So, I’m sitting here wondering why the query I sent out last week has yet to be answered. It took several months to compose that query, and another four weeks to track down a suitable agency to send it to. You could say that I have quite a lot invested in this query, and now I need answers as to why I’m being ignored.

Could it be something to do with the post office? I suppose it’s possible the neighborhood letter carrier ran into a shambling group of zombies. When he discovered he had only a banana and a toothpick with which to defend himself, my poor query probably fell to the wayside and became covered with banana goo. It’s also possible that a flock of great horned owls swooped down and mistook my query for nesting material—good taste on their part. Even supposing that the letter carrier avoided zombies, owls, and envelope-eating voodoo doctors, my query couldn’t have made it to the agency’s door, or I would have heard something by now.

Unlike the literary agency I queried, my writing group was lightning quick in responding to my complaint. They’re asking why it took so long to complete a single query and wondering why I only managed to send it to one agency. Are they negative or what? They don’t know what I’ve been facing this past year! For one thing, I had a disastrous accident on my scooter last December. Then my frontal lobotomy didn’t go quite as planned, and things started slipping my already slippery mind. Spent several unproductive months watching the Food Network and buying Hulk Hogan Ultimate Grills from the Home Shopping Network. Oh, and let’s not forget my tragic loss in the national 52-Card Pickup tournament in Vegas.

It’s been a rough year, but I hope to get more writing done, not to mention a few more queries submitted in the months ahead. It would be really cool to sell a story or two. If so, I could pay for a few of those Ultimate Grills sitting in my garage...if any literary agents are reading this, maybe we could work out a deal?